What does it mean when we say “taking something for granted”? Is it the opposite of gratitude? Is it the same as ingratitude? Can we have gratitude and take something for granted at the same time?
There are many things we possess in this life - from physical property to character traits, from momentary experiences to lasting ideas. These are objects of possession that we attribute to ourselves, not by way of creation but at the very least by way of ownership.
For example, the phone you own is a physical property that you possess and one whose utility serves a multitude of benefits, including being a modern-day necessity for communication. Another example may be your sense of humour that you have cultivated over time and utilize regularly to engage with others. Lastly, we have physical traits such as eyesight that have immeasurable qualities and utility.
We encounter these objects of possession and exercise their attributes on a regular basis. We often don’t think to realize how fortunate we are to be able to utilize them whenever we do.
Our minds do not always contemplate the specialty of these tools and facets for our utilization. We effectively take what has been given to us not realizing their importance or how special they are; we take them for granted.
Specialty is a relative term. To understand how something can be special requires one to compare itself to something that already exists, be it in our possession or not. For example, while one person can walk quickly, another suffers in their joints and cannot walk well at all, requiring support from a cane or wheelchair.
Through this comparison, a person may realize that a skill they possess is not something that all people possess. The use of able-bodied legs, while not inherently unique to one individual, is still a possessive property and one that we normally assume all others have sufficient access to.
While it is true that not everyone can run and dunk a basketball into a 10-foot net, it is assumed that the majority are able to complete a nominal set of actions such as walking and jumping to a certain extent based on age and health. There is a statistical understanding of the world around us that allows us to make such judgments.
The basis of understanding specialty comes from comparisons of the object against factors such as rarity, degree of execution, tangible output and duration of lasting impact.
When we omit this comparison, we fail to realize the special nature of the object at hand. We lose sight of its specialty and how commonly it is acquired or held in good condition, thus failing to perform the statistical measurement through which we should consider making these judgments.
On a daily basis, our minds do not hesitate to proceed with an action without consideration of the specialty of the object involved. If we understood how special these objects were, we would consider that thought when carrying out an action with them.
The ability to run or walk quickly would become one we would cherish if not safeguard from others. We would express gratitude in our minds for what this object of possession gives us even prior to exercising it. But why don’t we?
While it would be wonderful to have gratitude in every breath we take, we also are aware of the human mind’s limited focus and momentary goal system.
For example, if we are running late for a job interview, we rush to complete our tasks and arrive at the appointed time. We do not focus on the fact that we were able to get dressed without error, the car started without any problem, and any traffic along the commute did not delay us further.
We take for granted the elements that led up to reaching our desired goal. Are we grateful for them? Did we stop to think how detrimental a failure in any one step would be to our desired outcome? Of course, we’re hopeful but we commonly do not recognize that.
Another example would be simply being able to sit and relax. After a long day at work, we collect ourselves on the couch to unwind. We do not think of the multitude of failures that could have interfered with this experience.
What if an electrical surge short-circuited the TV? What if a broken cable line disabled the internet connection? What if while heating the popcorn for tonight’s action adventure, some butter scalded your tongue requiring you to rush to cool it off and leaving you too sore to eat for the next couple days?
When we do not consider the alternative to a situation or a failure in the utility of an object, it certainly is a moment where we take that object for granted. The limited focus of the mind in the moment prioritizes the desired outcome or goal vs reflecting on the blessing at hand. It effectively trivializes the use of these objects as the only concern in the moment is the goal at hand. But is it ingratitude to do so?
To be ungrateful would mean to be unappreciative or not feeling thankful. If we are not actively ready to show appreciation or a return with kindness on such objects of possession, then how can we be certain that we are?
We most certainly can be grateful for the opportunity of a new job prospect or time spent with family enjoying game night but at the same time, take for granted the elements that lead up to them. Can we label this as ingratitude?
If one looks back and appreciates each element of the process, each rung on the ladder, only then can they truly have gratitude for its entirety, whatever the object of possession or goal may be.
Going back to our previous example, let’s say that we did not land the job - interview went as well as could be but another candidate simply had the edge offering more than we could. We find ourselves saddened by the loss. Are we grateful we did our best? Certainly. Are we grateful that no additional failures came into play? Perhaps not.
This focus on the composition is a great starting point to understanding and leveraging gratitude in our daily lives. When we can appreciate something in all its parts, we will most certainly appreciate it in its entirety. While it would not be right to classify this as outright ingratitude, it can be recognized that true maximum gratitude has not been perceived.
We could be ungrateful for the loss but we would most certainly be grateful for the opportunity. We would be further grateful for the sum of the parts that got us there.
The human mind is complex in nature, with the primary issue being our fixation in the moment with disregard of other factors. We are able to cancel out the noise and focus on the goal. If we can look back at the noise, we may come to realize how much benefit came into play to even allow us to consider the goal.
Again, without a means of transport, that job interview would not have been possible altogether. Without good health, we would not be able to walk let alone run. Gratitude and ingratitude can exist simultaneously in our minds.
The true trial is to recognize both and to turn the ingratitude into insightful thought which leads to further gratitude. This is a good first step in gratitude reflection. But reflection takes work.
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